Well, I do believe there is a God of this Universe, as well as spirit beings on different levels or dimensions.
But when I left the JW's (1966) I converted to Mormonism. It was more a sense of being convinced tha the JW theology was illogical- full of holes, inadequacies and inconsistencies. The logic of the Mormons filled in those gaps with better explanations, as far as I was concerned.
It wasn't until a number of years later that I discovered a whole lot of lies and cover-ups in Mormonism that I began to question Mormonism for their inadequacies, inconsistencies, failed prophecies, and questionable theology.
I must also mention that as a young lad having Bible studies with the JW's I did feel something that was a kind of warm, glowing feeling after a Bible study. I asked why I had that feeling, and I was told it was Jehovah's Spirit.
When I was studying with the Mormons, I was told to read the Book of Mormon and pray about it. Again, I felt this warm, glowing feeling come over me. I left it alone for a while, due to moving to another city. I then asked my Mormon friend (by mail) to send me another Book of Mormon, which he did. I opened up the Book and wham!! it hit me like a bolt of lightning, like something came over me that this Book was True! The Mormons have a scripture that describes this as a "burning of the bosum". This praying and getting this feeling of the "burning of the bosum" is what Mormons call being led by the Holy Spirit.
Looking back at what I discovered about Mormonism and especially the Book of Mormon, I remain decidedly unconvinced as to the authenticity and inspiration of that Book. There hundreds of reasons to question the whole basis for claiming this book is the Word of God.
So now I am left with the memories of these two "emotional" or "feeling" experiences, both of which are supposed to be the influence of the "Spirit of God or Jehovah". What then, do I make of this?
Years ago I was listening to a radio talk show driving down the highway. The host was interviewing a guy who used to be a child preacher. He had one of those "popular personalities" who could preach and convert many people, kind of like a Billy Graham. He described how, in his preaching, he could look out at his audience and see how he was affecting them. (Look at some of those televangelists today like Benny Hinn, and look at the audiences and you can actually see their mesmerized states, tears streaming down their faces, arms extended to God, etc. They definitely are in some kind of altered state.)
Anyway, this fellow told of often seeing little old ladies sitting in their chairs in the front rows, watching him preach. And as they got caught up in his preaching, he reported that they were undulating back and forth in their chairs, like they were having orgasms. Having grown up, he left his ministry, and was revealing his skepticism about the Holy Spirit being present and all that. He thought that this was more about the group atmosphere, the dynamics of his speaking and body language (sexy image, like an Elvis), the background choir and orchestra- the entire ambiance, all of which was capable of putting people into altered states.
I am reminded of runners who go on long jogs, and get this "runner's high". I also note that when people, especially women, eat chocolate, they get this sense of well-being that they often say is "better than sex". I personally have found myself in a kind of altered state in the wee hours of many mornings, when I am wrapped up in a kind of "cosmological puzzle", and it all fits together like a beautiful puzzle. I get really excited, being on a "high". I notice that the feelings I get are quite similar to the ones I experienced studying with JW's and Mormons.
So now, I have a theory. I think that just as endorphines are released in the brains of joggers and those who eat chocolates, people whose minds are totally immersed in religious environments and sermons and thoughts, the mental and emotional triggers and responses may, in fact, be the release of these same endorphins. I think this may also be similar biological responses to sexual orgasm, except it may not necessarily be experienced in the genitals. It could be a "total body" or "total mind" or "total emotional" response, or even experience holistically at all levels simultaneously, that is interpreted as being "spiritual" in nature. Then again, if there is a God, perhaps this is all part of "Spirituality" at the physical level. Who is to say for sure. If that is the case, then I would have to say there is something Universal going on, and is not exclusive to any one religious or spiritual group claiming to being the One Right Religion.
In the end, I think I was converted by logic, coupled with emotional responses that may or may not have been "spiritual" in nature. The only way I could be sure this was from the Spirit World would be if I knew I was in the presence of "spiritual beings" that were guiding me. Since I cannot attest to having experienced that personally, I must then revert to my theory as described above, until a better explanation comes along. The last chapter has not yet been written.
Rod P.
